Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
