I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
COCAINE IS GR8
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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