went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
try to milk me bitch
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