the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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