I wish life had little blips of pornography
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He shit in the fireplace
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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