Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
