I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
