I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
