When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
