You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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