At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
