went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
