I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
