I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
