I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.