When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need to calm my uterus...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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