ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
