sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.