last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
