....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
