my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mom said you looked used
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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