I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
