Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
