Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
