Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize