you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
