"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
