you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we should paint friendship bongs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
