I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
