Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
