i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
