If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
