you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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