last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize