At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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