...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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