I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
