you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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