So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
