I'm really into asian looking animals
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just tell him i said nine months
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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