dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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