Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
