Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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