I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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