I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
