Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
