We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
