Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have fence marks all over my body
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize