My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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