And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
