This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
