I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
