your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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