PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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