That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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