the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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