So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
