watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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