So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
