idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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