Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can text with my tongue
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
