you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
