Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have aggressive nipples.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
