I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
