one might say we're banned from that church
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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