I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
