you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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