you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
