This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
