he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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