Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
