Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
nutella sex= disaster
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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