Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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