My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
