How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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