how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
