He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
